I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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