this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
