just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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