I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize