i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize