i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
