That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
