i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She just used a chaser for red wine.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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