I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
