do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
