Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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