Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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