I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
