dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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