Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Drunk is a universal language darling
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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