Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I wear drunk well.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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