It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
