we have officially lost it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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