i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
