im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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