The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
