Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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