too bad you live with your parents still
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
