here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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