So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
