K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
