I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
