hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
