I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
