he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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