I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
