I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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