Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
