There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
