I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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