$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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