I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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