Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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