Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
