the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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