I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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