Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
