I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
