if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
