I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
