Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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