Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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