I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
