he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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