The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
