dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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