You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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