chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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