this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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