drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize