DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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