are you so shy because you have an std?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
