Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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