Umm I'm too high to move.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
