I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
