Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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