Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
