ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
