He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I want is dick and wine.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
