This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
