Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am available for nakedness
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
