Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
