just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
