I wannas sexs uuuuu
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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