I think I died a long time ago.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
