why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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