I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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