I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
