There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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