i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
