i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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